Baby B now weighs about 4.7 lbs(!) and is around 18 inches long.
What does this mean in terms of something tangible? Well, it means that we've got ourselves a cantelope baby! This makes a lot of sense to me if it's a large melon because from the looks of my belly, it would appear that I've swallowed one. :)
If you're wondering what it feels or looks like to be 34 weeks pregnant, I encourage you to do the following:
~ Go to your nearest grocery store and head to the produce section.
~ Find a cantelope that weighs about 4.5 lbs and purchase it. Also buy some duct tape. The shiny silver stuff. You know what I'm talking about.
~ Take the cantelope and tape home.
~ Open the tape, place the cantelope directly in front of your navel.
~ Begin wrapping the cantelope to yourself with duct tape.
~ Do no remove the cantelope for the duration of one 24 hour period.
~ VOILA! Now you too can experience (to some extent) what it's like to have a cantelope baby!
If you are one of the souls brave or curious enough to attempt this experiment, you may discover the following:
- Wearing a form fitting shirt while out-and-about may cause complete strangers to gawk at you. Old men will make comments about your swallowing a watermelon. Little girls in the bathroom (this is your 3rd time to go in 45 minutes, by the way) will stare at your belly and grin. They know you've got a baby in there but are blissfully unaware as to how it's going to come out, and so they smile.
- If you drop something on the floor, you are unable to pick it up unless you move down into the squatting position. Once lowered to pick up the object, you may find it difficult to stand back up. I suggest a good heave-ho with the thigh muscles, OR you can move to all fours and push up from there.
- Stomach sleepers, all I have to say is: "HAHAHA!" Umm, I mean, a body pillow is your best bet to find a reasonable amount of comfort. Make sure to sleep on your left side. It may help your circulation and prevent the inevitable heartburn that will follow the dinner you should have eaten hours ago.
- Speaking of sleep, since your internal organs and lungs are so squished together, your husband may make not-so-subtle comments about hearing you breathe and having dreams about being attacked by Darth Vader from Star Wars.
- Going to the bathroom will require an entirely different approach. Nuff said.
- Watch out for counters, shelving, grocery carts, lawn mower handles *cough*, etc that are cantelope level. You don't want to smack, bump, or squish your "belly"!
- Try and give someone a hug. You will be shocked at how far away you must stand. As a matter of fact, you may feel more like you're mimicking the motions to the song "London Bridge is Falling Down" than giving a hug.
There is more I could say, but will stop here. There have been certain adjustment I've had to make leading up to now, but it's truly a joy anticipating what's at the end of this journey.
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