Growing on the Inside

I have an occasional tendency to use what my family and I have begun to call "Jennaisms". These are moments when my innocence, obliviousness and blond side come together in full force. I usually don't catch them until it's too late and I'm genuinely embarrassed, but they seem to give my Dad and husband a particularly good laugh. They will usually also offer me a sympathy hug. I don't necessarily enjoy those kind of hugs.

Because I am so unselfish and really hope that telling on myself will grow some character, I'll share a few "Jennaisms" with you...like when I was a teenage and an interested guy friend told me I was pretty. I frankly responded with "Thanks. Everybody says I look like my Dad." It confused him so much that he began stuttering "I didn't mean it that way...uhh...umm."

Or when Andrew and I were on a road trip to see family and after looking at the map, I exclaim: "Yay! We're getting closer!" Well...no duh.

Or the epic time when visiting a town located near a large military base, I referred to my husband's empty beer bottle as a "dead soldier". To some ex-military guys. Oh yes. I did.

My most recent Jenna-ism was to declare to my husband with great enthusiasm that: "Olivia is growing!" Again, this is one of those no-duh statements. She's a baby. If everything progresses as we pray it does, of course she's growing. What I really meant was that I'm pleased with the weight she's gained, and I'm happy that she's developing so well. But no. I blurted it out and receive a look that says "You're cute" and another sympathy hug for expressing the obvious.

I'd like to blame the residual "pregnancy brains" that I acquired (or maybe lost?) with Olivia, but am afraid I've been doing this for a a while now. Maybe it's that the part of my brain that would help me be more articulate has moved to focus on milk production. Or diaper changing. Or the extra house work I feel is necessary to clean the floor she's now scooting around on. Perhaps it's just a genuine case of needing to give extra thought to what I'm about to say before I say it.

Whatever the reason, I'm comforted to know that God knows the inner workings of my thoughts. He knows what joy it gives me to see the baby He's blessed us with discover the world around her. He knows the nuances of my saying "She must be growing!" to mean "She woke me up to eat THREE times last night! She has to be going through a growth spurt! I'm SO TIRED!!!". Or just the simple delight in taking note that well, she's growing. Life is in a constant motion of change. No day is like another.

Andrew has a phrase that I love and have often heard him say: "I'm growing on the inside." Though the change may not be external, on the inside, there is expansion. There is movement. There is something good there that wasn't there the day before. As I watch my daughter developing, I'm challenged to continue maturing myself. For there to be something more Christlike in me today than there was yesterday. To set a guard over my mouth and mind. Perhaps in doing so I'll have less Jennaisms, but in the event that they are just personality quirks, I do accept sympathy hugs and will blushingly enjoy hearing you laugh.