Great Expectations

It's been said numerous times before, but expectations can be killer. They can be very good things, but they can also steal our joy if we let them. The thing I've been sorting through is asking myself which expectations are right to maintain, and which ones I don't need to hold myself to any longer.

For example (basic though it may be), a right expectation I should have for my day is to get myself completely dressed and make the bed before I leave our bedroom door. This prepares me for the day right from the start. Furthermore, the entire house seems cleaner when the comforter is pulled up and the decorator pillows are in place. Funny how that happens.

An example of an unnecessary expectation (one I've recently been dealing with) is feeling like I have to check EVERY. LAST. THING. off my to-do list by the end of the day. I'm usually a glass is half full kinda gal, but lately those few unchecked items have left a bee in my bonnet that stings me through the night. Perhaps this is the root of some screwy works based theology leftover from childhood? Or my way of feeling like I've done something when at the end of the day I find nothing too vastly different from when I started out? Something tells me that every homemaker wrestles with such questions at some point in her homemaking.

Whatever the reason may be, and as strange as I feel saying this, God is teaching me to be a little more gracious with myself. It's not that this means giving myself license for laziness, but instead, offering thanks for what the Lord allowed me to accomplish once the sun has set, and leave it at that. My worth is not wrapped up in a completed to-do list. God reminded me of this the other day when Andrew came home. As he hugged me, he saw my to-do list on the dry erase board and thanked me in loooong drawn out syllables for each and every single thing I'd done that day. I had forgotten about half of the things he read and had to laugh at his silliness.

Another part of accepting the Lord's grace for my homemaking is realizing that it has vastly changed with the addition of a little person. What used to take me a menial amount of time may now take me hours depending on the day. Some things just can't always be accounted for, such as how long it takes to scrape banana off the floor, or change the crib sheets after an explosive diaper, or any of the million things that can happen when you have a baby. My expectations have had to change a great deal in the past year; for what I can accomplish as well as what I should reasonably expect of myself.

As the Lord is working on me, I'm realizing that "success" can have many different faces. Some days it may include a full nights sleep, a completely checked off to-do list, a clean, good smelling baby, and having a four course gourmet dinner on the table. Other days it may look a little more like not having banana on the floor. Or not being able to do as much as I'd planned, doing extra laundry so the baby has fresh sheets, and being incredibly grateful that my husband is just as happy with popcorn and smoothies for dinner as he would be with a four course meal.