Get your Own Cheetos, Devil!

I've caught myself believing a lie. As it goes with most lies, it's incredibly subtle. You don't really notice it until it's kicked off it's shoes, pulled up a chair, and starts demanding that you share your Cheetos. This is disturbing on a couple of counts. The first is that I like to consider myself as having a keen awareness of anything that tries to sneak into the door of my heart or mind. But I failed. Secondly, I'm a firm believer that unless we're the best of friends, you can't have any of my Cheetos. Seriously, get your own bag.

The lie that I'm talking about is this:

That there is a scarcity of God's goodness.

When I read these words, I shudder a bit. Seeing it so plainly in black 12 font seems too obvious for it to have taken any bit of space in my heart. It's a classic, textbook move, but I fell for it: to see what God is giving others that I deeply desire, but may not have again: more children.

The Tease

Darling pregnancy announcements, cute new maternity clothes with jeans finally designed to look good and stay put, beautiful blossoming bellies, due dates, showers and the expectation of a precious bundles...all right in front of me, but not for me. It may look differently for you. Other people's homes, spouse, marriage, or job may be what's deliciously dangling just out of your reach. When I'm steeped in self pity, its easy for beautiful things (that I normally LOVE to rejoice in with others) to become little knives that cut and drain the life out of me. The lie deepens when you feel that thing has been given to someone else for the sole purpose of spiting you.

The Timing

Timing is everything when it comes to fooling a person. Making us feel less-than, unimportant or forgotten should happen when we're completely exhausted, busy, or distracted. It should happen late at night, ideally just before going to sleep. Laying in bed awake, thinking about something is a great way for a wound to fester.

The Truth

The enemy is so skillful in leading us down the path to self pity. By the time we get there, wallowing around feels like the truest thing we could ever do. Though it may feel totally justifiable to start hanging up streamers, balloons and order a cake for your pity party, the truth is that self pity is rooted in selfishness. For me, the cycle looks like this: Being glad for what the Lord has given me, longing for increased blessing but knowing it's not guarenteed, beginning to forget or doubt God's goodness, seeing/hearing about others receiving that I long for, comparing what they have, feeling sorry for what I don't have, then diving headlong into full blown self pity, doubt, and all manner of ugliness. Thankfully, God is long-suffering and faithful. He pulls me up off the floor, dries my tears, helps me clean up the mess of soggy kleenex and droopy streamers, and points me back to the cross.

Sadly, the cycle I mentioned can only happen when I forget the cross and what Jesus has accomplished. It shames me that I can so easily forget Him and the best gift. I'm reminded of the necessity to follow Paul's words about dying daily. DAILY!!! Life in this broken world, with it's shadows and struggles and the indwelling sin nature is the reason we must do battle every. single. day. To leave our swords on the table is the same as flinging open our front doors, and inviting the enemy in to sit on the couch and snuggle up. We have to continually preach the gospel to ourselves, because we are so prone to forget it. We have a choice between walking in death, or in life and it's fullness of joy. It's worth the fight!

Today, I see the lie for what it is. DEATH.

I choose to believe the truth that God is infinitely good to me. To remember that He withholds no good thing to those who walk uprightly. His picture of fullness for me will likely look different than it will for you. So it's unfair to compare gifts or even burdens, because they are uniquely given with intention, to refine and grow us. More for someone else doesn't mean less for me. As I've popped the last of this round's pity party balloons, I'm determined now more than ever to keep my eyes on the cross, and remember that there is NO scarcity of His goodness.

Have you found yourself believing a lie? This lie, or another one? I encourage you to join me in picking up your sword. Let's do battle for our soul's sake, and to reclaim the joy that is ours when we are walking in the truth. Afterwards, I'll invite you over to share my Cheetos.