Well, it was this time just last week that I was working through contractions and still able to talk in between. After about 1pm I shut down and went into another world. Literally. When hard labor began, I closed my eyes and didn't open them until Olivia arrived several hours later. The intensity was unreal, and yet, looking back on it today, the memory of the pain is already starting to fade and there is a little inkling of hope that I might consider doing this again someday. Might. I think. Maybe. Oh wait, there's a sweet face that beautiful combines the features of me and my husband. Humm...I'll get back to you on that.
My Mom has gone back home. **choke** I see it as providential timing that the day/week after Mother's Day, God would open my eyes afresh to value my Mom in a whole new way. There came a point in my life when Mom moved on from more of a parent into a friend. This past week, I was humbled to see that even at my age, I desperately needed my Mom. She was able to help in a uniquely maternal, been-here, done-that kind of way that I doubt anyone else could have provided. Don't get me wrong, my husband has been UHH-mazing through this whole process, but for some reason Mom made a better breast-feeding coach. ;) Yesterday we listened to a couple of J-Mac online sermons about being a slave for Christ. He pointed out how most of the Bible references to "servant" have been mistranslated and really mean "slave". The difference between being a servant and a slave has enormous implications. In many ways, Mom was our slave from last Monday through when she left Saturday afternoon. She made incredible meals, served me in bed when I couldn't get up, took Olivia when she was fussy in between feedings so I could get even an hour of sleep, had the laundry running almost non-stop, helped me with numerous new-Mommy issues, provided emotional support when tears came seemingly out of nowhere. I can't say enough about what she did and how deeply her loving servitude blessed me and my family. She got me back up on my feet and I hope someday that I can be as great a lifesaver to my kiddo(s).
Olivia. Where do I begin? She is beautiful, has a sweet nature about her, LOVES to eat, is working on getting her little clock set to ours, and is just precious. Two nights ago she didn't seem so precious when she was crying and we couldn't figure out why, but she has only her wails to express a multitude of whatever she could be experiencing. We're trying to be patient. I'm managing a new normal level of little sleep, but remaining pretty functional. Things could be SO much worse, so I/we are counting our blessings.
Perhaps I'm delusional, but forget whatever friends, statistics, or the Googlizer may tell you...I'm convinced that we've already seen a few smiles. You can tell me it's gas all day long, but I won't believe you. Our girl has grinned at us!
Well, I am going to sign off now. I'm kind of stuck in a funny place where I'm not allowed to do any house work (like I'm going to adhere to THAT for long!), but will go crazy if I can't do something, and anything I CAN do must be perfectly timed in between feedings. My Aunt told me a while back that regardless of how much time is spent nursing, burping, cleaning up after, and caring for a baby, time must be found for simply looking at one's baby. This whole gazing upon thing is extremely time consuming, but it feeds something inside of me I've been hungry for for a very long time. Before another minute passes, I'm going to go look at my baby girl.
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